I had met her in a space where she was a person, instead of a problem to be solved. –Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air, page 90
When coaching or counseling team members, how often do we approach the conversation – no, the person – as if he or she is a problem to be solved? What would change if we met them in a space where he or she is a person?
I’ve been reading When Breath Becomes Air, the powerful story of a brilliant neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi, diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer shortly before finishing up nearly ten years of medical training. There is a section in Part One in which he reflects on educating the patient on medical options and becoming partners in treatment. He was wary of becoming the opposite; a detached dictator prescribing treatment without the consultation of the patient.
In observing his father, also a surgeon, Kalanithi noted that “the easy human connections he formed, the trust he instilled in his patients, were an inspiration to me.”
Isn’t it the same for leaders?
When we treat our team members as people first, isn’t all the rest that much easier? When we consider that even our most challenging employees are human beings, isn’t our coaching more productive? When we build relationships based on trust, aren’t people more likely to follow or partner with us?
To paraphrase Kalanithi, what if we meet our team members in a space where they are people, instead of a problem to be solved?
Love the person, coach the behavior.
That’s what leaders do.
