I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I’m a bit of a news junkie. Last week, even while on vacation, I watched much of the evening coverage of the Republican National Convention. This week, I am watching as much of the Democratic National Convention as I can. Although I really enjoy the political, historical and ceremonial aspects of the conventions, I am saddened by the immature, mean-spirited, and even dishonest discourse that often takes place.
On a more personal level over the last few months, my Facebook and Twitter feeds have been filled with passionate pro- and anti-Hillary posts, pro- and anti-Trump posts, pro-name your candidate and anti-all of them posts. And then there are hot button issues, often fraught with high emotion. Don’t get me started on pro-life v. pro-choice, gun control v. gun owner rights, immigration policy v. immigration bans, and so on. I am often shocked by the comments of my friends and contacts on both sides of the aisle.
I have, of late, really tried (not always successfully!) to temper my own comments and responses, especially on Facebook where my contacts are more personal friends. They know who and what I support and there is no need to continually put my thoughts out there. Most of them will not be swayed from their own ideas, anyway! But, even so, the question that repeatedly comes to my mind is this:
Why can’t we seek to understand, even if we disagree?
I remember in one of my classes at Otterbein University we discussed our individual ego’s “need to be right” and how harmful that can be to communication, leadership, teamwork, and basic civility. We often continue to argue a point, even long after the discussion ends, because we believe we are “right” and everyone else is “wrong.” Never mind that there are valid points on both sides. Ignore the fact that facts often speak for themselves; rumor is usually given more heed. We quickly forget that no one is always right or always wrong. We are often so focused on being heard that we forget to listen.
- What might be possible if we listened first? I don’t mean listening to argue back, but listening for comprehension.
- What if our first response was, “Thank you for explaining your position. It helps me understand the issue better.”
- What if our next question was, “How can we move forward together?”
- What if community disagreements were based in mutual respect – even love – instead of wrapped with disdain, even hate?
- What if we agreed that sometimes we will simply disagree? And, what if we decided to be at peace with that?
What might be possible, indeed.
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For additional reading, consider this excellent article from RealSimple.com, How To Disagree Agreeably; The Best Ways to Compromise, Clear the Air and Fight Fair. It includes ten rules of engagement and tips on how to disagree with your boss, your coworkers, your siblings, your teenager, and your neighbors. Lots of valuable information!
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Photo credit: “Humanoids Arguing” by Vic, used with Creative Commons license.
