What was that fight about?
Jerry Seinfeld was a guest on Oprah yesterday. He was there to promote his new show, “The Marriage Ref.” The show’s premise is that each week a panel of celebrities advises a referee on how to best help a couple settle an argument they are having in the marriage.
The following comments caught my ear:
Oprah: You can’t remember most arguments because most arguments are not about the thing that they appear to be about.
Jerry: If you’re healthy, you can’t remember.
Isn’t that so true? How many times have you found yourself arguing with someone, and what you’re arguing about isn’t the real problem? You might be arguing about the most recent little annoyance, but ignoring a bigger issue between you.
Jerry’s comment was made almost as an after-thought, but it is too important to skip over. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you won’t remember most arguments. You’ll disagree, negotiate and compromise, agree and move on. It’s over and done with. However, in an unhealthy relationship, you’ll hang on to every disagreement, saving them up for the big explosion. They are never really resolved.
Imagine the possibilities of a relationship with no pent-up anger, resentment or unsettled disagreements. Imagine the peace that would come with conversational resolution to a disagreement rather than yelling, door-slamming, accusations, and the other ugliness that comes with unhealthy fighting.
The next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone, stop and ask yourself what are you really arguing about? If it’s not what it appears to be about, then be brave and bring up the real issue. Change your unhealthy habits into healthy ones.
Gandhi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s not just a famous quote. It’s a rule for a positive and peaceful life. Think of it this way: Be the change you want to see in your world! Be that change, and you will impact the world.
Tags: Communication, Family, Happiness, Health, Peace, Positivity, Possibilities
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